Christmas eve was an anxious wait to go under the knife, a bit nervous and scared was the only second emotion besides the ones i bring upon myself, boxing day began early and well it just came and went, dreaming under morphine was heavenly but then there's a very good reason why its banned, possibly one the the rare pleasant moment in the last couple of weeks... quite disturbing, but that was the last time i remember that i was free to the last cell in my body.
These last two weeks have been a real physical test, you always imagine a certain level of pain that your body can bear, nothing beyond that, but then, that level is broken like your 3rd grade english score.
I might possibly never forget the couple of nights after boxing day, when i really understood what excruciating pain really meant and felt like, how it doesn't let you sleep nor even think, the night that never seemed to end, the night that almost made me cry and regret.
Its been better now, its also in a way that i have exceeded my pain bearing ability to the pro level, something better for the future, although i never in my remaining unknown life would want to go under those lights or anyway near it.
The new year does bring with it a feeling of being born again, quite literally, feeling the ground under your feet, taking those baby steps, learning the whole walking business again.
For all that has happened, and didn't, the things that should have but didn't, the way things should have worked out but didn't, all i can say to myself is, let it all slide, there is a reason for everything and there's one for you to take charge of everything and feel that power in your arms, things will happen as soon as you make them happen.